Mom and I are working on a new book, and because today is my Gotcha Day (the day when I got her and she got me), she asked me to share a part of what we're working on. This is the part - my very favorite part - where Mom comes to bring me home! I hope you like my story!
|Me saying goodbye to my foster mom.|
Today was the day! There was much emotion in the air – excitement, anticipation, and perhaps even a bit of trepidation. They said she is coming! She wants to meet me! She wants to take me home! I can’t help but feel a sense of hope. I’ve wanted a permanent home for a while now.
But what will she be like? Will she love me? Will I be good enough for her or will she leave without me? And lately, I’ve been questioning, just what does “home” mean, anyway?
I thought I had a home … once. I lived in a pen with my friend. It wasn’t an exciting life, but we had each other and it felt safe and comfortable to us. It was our space. Our home.
Over the past weeks I had been in many homes. But they weren’t meant to be my home. And now, here I was, in yet another home where I’d only spent a few weeks. They were so kind to me here. Everyone had been kind to me. Yet I was tired. I wanted it all to stop. I was tired of traveling here and there, adjusting to new places and smells and people and dogs. I just wanted a place of my own where I knew I never had to leave.
For a moment, my thoughts are interrupted. She is coming! She wants to meet you! She’s been waiting for you for so long! She wants to take you home! They kept repeating these words to me. They held me close and I could feel their excitement that this would work out for me. I could feel their sadness, for they would need to say goodbye just as we were getting to know each other. I could feel them trying to hold all these emotions back just in case. What if it didn’t work out? What if I wasn’t what she was hoping for?
I was resigned to the fact that I would be leaving again. This had become just another part of my routine. There would be a new house to map out. Everything would be new around me. I was not afraid, just weary. But I couldn’t deny that the energy around me was different from the last few times I moved on. It reminded me of my time back when I left the shelter, so far away. I had stayed at that new house the longest of any place since. I remember how safe it felt to know the lay of the land and the routine. To stay for awhile and call it my own.
I wanted that feeling again. A sense of belonging. That comforting warm glow was getting stronger and closer, but suddenly I felt a bit frightened by it. Where was it leading me? Would this person like me? Would she pass me off to someone else? Or perhaps she would notice that I was special and leave without me, thinking I will be a burden to her?
She’s here! I am being carried outside. I feel the vibration of my foster lady talking, but I am so distracted that I hardly noticed. There is a new smell in the air. A new emotion. A new feeling. That warm glow is all around me now. She touches me. I tense my muscles to not allow myself to give in.
But when she touches me, something inside of me melts away and I surrender - to the warm glow. Her fingers melted into my fur. Her touch feels so familiar, yet so new. I can’t see them, but I feel her body welling up with tears. They aren’t sad tears, but tears of relief and great love. Tears of acceptance. She was that warm glow I had felt all this time. And here she was! Meeting me!
She stayed for awhile, talking with the foster family I was with. She held me. I fell asleep on my back in her arms. I was so content and happy. I felt so safe. I felt accepted. For a moment, all my worries were gone. I no longer wondered if she’d like me, or if I’d be good enough. I no longer even wondered if she would take me with her or if she would leave me here. It was all about that one place in time, that one moment. I loved her from that very first touch.
When the time came for her to go, she put me carefully into her car. Immediately, my mind tried to go in a different direction. Oh no, another car. Another trip away from everything I had known so far in my life. No, don’t close the door …
But I smelled her. This car smelled so much like her. She was still near me, I just knew it. I was quiet, but I did not sleep. The anticipation was just too much. But, that warm glow surrounded me and comforted me. I knew something different was happening to me. Something I would remember for a long time.
|Me in my new home!|